I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
