We're facebook friends in real life
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
