Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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