he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
