She announced her abortion via fbk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
