Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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