so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
