I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
