I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
