I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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