i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
