my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
