I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
