Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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