i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
