i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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