I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
