I think I won the penis lottery.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
