He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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