yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
