I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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