I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
