Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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