I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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