You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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