I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
