And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
