Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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