drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
