whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
