It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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