I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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