butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
