I think I died a long time ago.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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