Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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