It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
