yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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