no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
