no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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