Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
