dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
