its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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