Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
