I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The air taste purple.
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