He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
