HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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