He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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