oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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