this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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