I wish I only lived at night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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