you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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