I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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