So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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