I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
