just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
