she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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