Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
