The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
