Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
