Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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