My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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