Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
whose ass print is on the piano?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
