I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
