one might say we're banned from that church
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
