P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
