how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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