he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
