when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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