just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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