Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
