I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
