He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
