i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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