Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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